apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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