just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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