I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
