Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
