Your dad touched me again.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Randomize
