i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
