Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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