So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
