So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
