TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
