Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
