Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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