peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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