I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
