well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i would punch a child for taco bell
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
