So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
