glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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