FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
