"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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