My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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