I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
