i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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