I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
