have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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