Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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