ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
