He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
