So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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