you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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