Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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