next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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