you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
