I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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