I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
