She said her name was "party"
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
