i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
