Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
