i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
