How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Rumble strips road head = magical
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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