The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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