so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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