btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
