So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
