i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
