he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
