I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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