I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
