You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
