Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
