He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
