Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Naked. naked and bneed help.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
