i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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