Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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